Mission!!

Hey everyone!
On Friday, I found out that I got accepted into BYU-Idaho!! WOO HOO!! I was really excited, but something still wasn't sitting right. I realized that I needed to think about a mission now that I had gotten accepted into college. So, on Saturday I decided to fast, pray, and go up to the temple with the question in mind about going on a mission! That day, everything seemed to go wrong. I was late to work, I got a written warning at work about tardiness (I thought I was going to get fired), I couldn't find my temple reccomend. I was so discouraged, stressed, and tired! I got home from work and I put on my temple clothes, and resolved that I would just sit in the parking lot since I couldn't go in. So I sat in my car, reading my scriptures, writing down the ones that struck me as particularly inspirational, and listening to my Paul Cardall station on Pandora. In the Chapters that I read, they all seemed to talk about the Lord helping you, and guiding you with his hand. Finally, I gained the courage to pray about a mission. Part of me was worried that I wouldn't get the answer I wanted. :) Silly me. I asked, and the answer came back so clearly. YES. I need to go on a mission. Being of little faith, I asked "Are you sure?", and again the answer came back so clearly. YES. I felt so overwhelmed! So worried about going, and again, so clearly the Lord said one simple phrase that calmed all my fears. "You are my Child". I have never felt the spirit stronger in my life. I was sitting in my car crying my eyes out. I am so grateful for this gospel. The Lord answers our prayers.
On Sunday I received my papers, and I'm starting them! I can't submit them until July, but I'll be able to go in the beginning of October!
I know that this is the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I know that he suffered for us. Christ knows each one of us, and he loves us for all the faults we have. Our Father in Heaven loves us. He fears for us in the terrible world we live in, which is why he gave us Christ and the Atonement. I love the Gospel and the peace it bring to my heart. No matter how stressed, depressed, or discouraged I am, I always find Gods love through the scriptures. I have felt his love so strongly as I have gone through the trials in my life. If you ever need someone to talk to, the Lord is the best person. He sees the big picture, He Knows You. He wants to help you. Just reach out to him!
I love you all! I'm really excited to go on a mission :) It wasn't what I had planned, but the Lord knew what I needed to be doing!
I'll you updated!

Over thinking

Sometimes I think. I just sit and think. I think about my life, and where it's going, where I've been, how my life is now, the people in my life, the people I may meet, the people I have met what I have to do for school, what I haven't done for school, what school ill be going to in the future. Etc. you get the picture. Well lately I've been thinking a lot. Mostly about the person I want to become, the person I am. This is probably brought on by watching the couples in my life (I've been thinking about marriage) watching my parents, Rick and merr, reading katelins blog, watching my friends relationships, and it finally hit me that you are who you marry. So of I want a good person? I gotta be a good person. We all know this! I feel so inadequate when looking at my future. I feel like a small ant, looking to climb a skyscraper. The only thing that keeps me going is that Christ is there helping me up. Helping me reach new heights, and I know that through him, I will always succeed and I will be able to overcome any discouragement.
This whole week has been one big discouragement. But going to seminary, and mission prep, and church have been the only thing keeping me going. They are my water stations in marathon of life! And I am so thankful for them. I am so thankful for the friends that I have who always encourage me, even though I complain. I'm so thankful for my family, who can always make me laugh. I'm thankful for the life I'm living!

Sincerely,
your thinker

Writer? Composer? Author? Storyteller?

Whatever you call it, I've been writing. I've found that my stress is easier to deal with when I write. Weird since I'm making up fictional characters. I thought that I'd post a couple of my snippets, and let you guys decide. Should I post more l? Or should I stop the horrible writing torture? You tell me :) here we go!

1. One look at the grey sky told her it was going to rain. With a sigh, she hitched her backpack higher on her shoulder and trudged into school, trying to be positive about the busy day ahead.
Looking up as she walked in the doors, her stomach dropped as she caught a glimpse of his walking down the hall. Hands in his pockets, a slight beat in his step, his tousled hair gave him the cool air of someone who hasn't a care in the world.
Suddenly aware she was watching him, she turned down the opposite hall, wondering to herself why he was walking down that hall. Pushing it out of her head, she resolved to put him out of her head.

2. She woke with a start, then wished she could go back to sleep as she remembered that she was no longer his. Closing her eyes against the pain that tore at her heart, she reminded herself that she didn't need him. Trying to push away the memory of her dream, she threw her legs out of bed and into the bathroom. Observing herself in the mirror, she saw a sallow faced girl looking back at her. Resolving to change her reflection, she forced a smile on her face, and started her morning routine.

Pushing back her chair and glancing at the clock, she sighed. Her day had not been as productive as she had hoped. Her dream from the previous night had kept haunting her thoughts. Running her hands over her forehead, she resolved to focus on her project. A voice interrupted her thoughts. "Contemplating the problems of the world?" Her head jerked up. It was Brandon. Leaning against the door to her office, he looked like he had walked straight out of "Lawyers Weekly". A smart suit with a powerful red tie, he looked the part of attorney. Why he worked at an accounting firm, she had no idea. Smiling, she said "the world has too many problems to contemplate!" Pushing off the doorframe, he put his hands in his pockets, giving her the smirk she knew so well. Her heartbeat quickened at the sight. She chided herself, they were just friends. "The world might be a better place is more people like you contemplates its problems." He said, a sudden dark look shadowing his handsome features. As quickly as it had come, the shadow passed leaving her wondering if it had been there at all. He smiled. "I came in to see if you wanted to go to lunch with mile, Danielle and I?" His tone was so invitingly and even though she knew she needed to start on her project, she accepted. "Let me grab my purse!"

3. Hot, searing pain ripped through her abdomen. She looked down, stunned by the blood seeping through her shirt. She looked up at the cruel face of the man who had shot her. How could she have been so naive? She should have called for backup! The strength left her legs, and she crumpled to the ground, gravel digging intro her cheek and chin, the smell of garbage and dirt filling her nostrils. The world was dimming, her vision blackening. She struggled to stay lucid. Gravel crunched nearby, and the sly voice of her killer washed over her. "Maybe the police will learn their lesson now. Don't mess with the McNally family." He cursed softly under his breath. That's when she heard it. The sound of police sirens drawing closer. She prayed it was her team coming to rescue her. With that prayer in mind, her vision blackened and he passed out.

Let me know what you think! Love you all!! :)

The year in review

Its almost 2013. Crazy. To think about everything this year, wow. I've been through so much! alright, I'm just going to start listing everything that has happened to me this year...

1.I became a Senior at Alta Highschool

2. I ran 2 Ragnar Relay races. One in Del Sol, and one in Las Vegas

3. I turned 18 years old

4. I got my first boyfriend, and broke up with him.

5. I got my first kiss

6. I saw my first Batman movie, at midnight

7. I got a job at Treehouse

8. I made new friends

9. I set my friends up. They are now a steady couple

10. The missionary age changed.

11. I applied for college

12. I made Madrigals

13. I discovered my love for people, and culture

14. I did college visits.

15. I read all the Harry Potter books, and the Percy Jackson books. Again

16. I found new TV shows that I love. Rizzoli and Isles, Once Upon a Time, Guys with Kids, CASTLE, among others.

17. I rented, watched, then bought Pitch Perfect, because I loved it that much.

18. I went to a couple of Weddings. Of people I knew personally, and some that I didn't... :)

19. I went to baseball games, discovering my love of baseball boys. (and the uniforms)

20. My close friend passed away. 

21. I went to EFY

22. I turned my life around

23. I took more than 1,000 pictures.

25. I grew closer to my family

26. I discovered Pinterest

27. I bought ALOT of music

28. I learned how to rap

Things I learned in 2012

1. I learned that Christ is our brother. I learned that he is always watching  out for us, and caring for us, no matter what. I learned that to have a testimony, first you need to know for yourself if its true, I gained my own testimony this year, and I will cherish that for the rest of my life. 

2. I learned that relationships are hard. They suck. This is why we aren't supposed to date in High school  I learned that boys can hurt you pretty bad, sometimes without even realizing it. I also learned that I dont need a boyfriend to be happy.

3. I learned that Writing helps me with stress. I've been writing a lot lately! Stress comes very easily to me unfortunately. I rediscovered a lot of books, and my love of reading. 

4. I learned about sacrifice, and courage. Sometimes courage means sacrifice, and sometimes sacrifice takes courage. I learned that the Atonement helps us to be courageous  because of the sacrifice made. This means that we can sacrifice our natural selves to become like Christ.

5. I learned to serve others. It is something that brings me joy every time I can bring a smile to someones face. 

6. I learned that sometimes Music is the best therapy in the world. I learned that playing and making music is one of my favorite things to do. 

7. I learned that Friends want to help. I just need to let them help me. 

8. I learned to live in the moment, because you never know how much longer you have. There is no such thing as coincidences. It was meant to happen, no matter how hard it may be :)

9. I learned that sometimes you can't help everyone. If someone is taking you down, sometimes you have to let go, and be an example rather than their crutch.

10. I learned that Family is the most important thing in life. you will never have another family. Your friends may forget you someday, but your family will be there your whole life. For that i am eternally grateful, for i would not be the person i am today without my family! :)Love you!

There is the Year of 2012 in Review. Thanks for reading, you have made an impact in my life, whether or not you have realized it. I hope that you can learn something from what i have gone through! 

Death is but the next great Adventure - Dumbledore

The first time I met Tiffany Howell, I was in 8th grade. She was in 9th. She greeted me with a warm smile and we talked for a bit with our mutual friend Caitlin. Her cousin and my best friend. During my junior year in high school, me, Caitlin and Tiffany were so very close :) we were the 3 Amigos! We had adventures at basketball, lacrosse, football, and baseball games. She played on the volleyball team and she Always had a smile on her face. We blasted music in her car, drove around so much I'm sure we could've gone across the country with the gas we spent. We laughed and cried and danced around. She taught me that life always has a positive side.
Tiffany had cancer. A cancer that infected her blood. It wasn't leukemia and the the doctors were having a hard time discerning how to get rid of it. She did many rounds of chemo, losing her hair and becoming weak. All the while smiling and cheering everyone around her on. Many would not have even known she had cancer, she was that upbeat and positive.
Today, Tiffany Howell passed away. After battling with cancer for more than 2 years, our Heavenly Father has taken her back home. I know that she has been welcomed into his arms. I know that she is in a better place. I know that I will see her again because I know that Christ died for her. I know that he saw her face, and knew of the pain that she would face in her life, and I'm sure he wept. Christ loves her just as he loves the rest of us. Unconditionally. I know that I will one day see her again, and she will smile her usual smile and say "what took you so long!" And I will laugh and she will take my hand and proceed to show me around heaven. She lived a good life and I am so grateful to have known her. I am so grateful to have the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life. I know that he lives and loves us.
Death is not the end.
I love you Tiffany :)

Sort of

I'm posting again! I know surprising since its so soon! I figured I would post!
I think I'm finally letting go. which is good! I'm still waiting to hear from BYU-I. We shall see what happens!! I really really want to go! It just feels right.
Right now life is so crazy. My face is breaking out, I'm losing my hair, I can't sleep, and I cant eat or sleep. The cause of this? Stress. I go to school. I go to work. I go back to school. I sleep. I go to school. I go to work. I go back to school. I sleep. Repeat. My life is so busy that I can't think. I no longer have motivation because I have no idea why I'm making myself so miserable. I'm trying to hang in there. I just have to take some deep breaths and remember that the Lord knows who I am and he's looking out for me. I'm really trying hard to rely on the Lord in EVERYTHING I do. It's proving to be hard! I want to be independent, and then I figure out that I can't do it on my own. I'm learning that its okay to be sad and disappointed sometimes. Ultimately it will work out for the better and it will turn out okay. I just need to trust in the Lord and stop trying to control my life. I need to just let go! Easier said than done eh?
I'm sorry my blog posts are so depressing! I am happy! I'm just learning!
Love you all! Thanks for reading! :)

Sort of - Ingrid Michaelson

Thanksgiving

Madrigals Fieldtrip!

Sometimes the most simple things in life make you the most happy.

Temple Square with Kenzi!

Sometimes you just need a new perspective.

I make my own story.

The most human color, blue.

Hello my friends :) this girl has been busy. I'm sorry I haven't posted for a while. Let me give you a couple of updates.

1. It's been 2 months since I broke up with Morgan. Why does this matter? Cuz it still hurts, and I still want him but he will go out of his way to avoid and ignore me. He hasn't said a word to me since we broke up. He avoids me in the halls. Anyways, it hurts. I
don't know how to make it better.
2. I really hate school. It's full of a bunch of kids who think that it's everything to be popular, when on reality no one cares once you leave high school. Sometimes I feel like I'm the only one who sees the world after high school. I know that's not true, but sometimes that's what it feels like.
3. I'm all finished applying to colleges! I applied to USU, BYU, and BYU- Idaho. If I'm accepted, I want to go to BYU-Idaho. I went and visited and I knew that it was the place for me to go. I'm going to major in Sociology with a minor in communications and a cluster in global terrorism :) I'm so excited. You have no idea. I'm gonna room with my good friend Cassidy, and possibly Quin. We are going to have a blast.
4. I ran Ragnar this past weekend. It was super hard. There was 35-40 mph winds almost the whole time. But I did it as got a cool medal for doing 2 Ragnars in 1 year. Fun stuff.
5. Oh yeah. I'm 18. My birthday was the 25th of October. Ya I'm an adult. It's weird to say how old I am. I know that's its right, but it hasn't sunk in yet.

Well that's my life. Any questions, comments, concerns, or advice? Please post it. I love hearing from you :)
Song cred: Blue Lips: Regina Spektor

Running Ragnar

Ragnar

Ragnar

Hello me!

Ragnar

These are my dear friends Quin and Quinn who are dating. eachother. obviously

Halloween dance

Halloween

Oh Madrigals...

Finally got to vote! not that I did anything special..

Madrigals

Special Needs Seminary

Seminary

School?

Sometimes....

Halloween

Birthday Picture

STORY OF MY LIFE

Halloween

Seminary

Take a walk - Passion Pit

Dear readers,
There is a lot i must explain to you since it has been 2 months since i last posted. Life has been a little crazy, with a couple drops of normalcy.
1.the first thing i must tell you is that i am single. as of a week ago. sudden i know. I KNOW. but I'm  perfectly happy in my single state. next.
2. EFY changed my life. I'm not just saying that, I mean i literally had a whole paradigm shift. I really understand who Christ is. I am working to improve the minimal relationship i have had with him. I have learned that i need to rely on Christ and trust in him instead of pushing any kind of help away. We can't progress in this life alone. This is why we have families, friends, spouses, roommates  etc. We were never meant to be hermits.which is why I'm working on being a person who accepts all and doesn't blow anything out of proportion. its hard.
3. Senioritis has set in and it is KILLING ME. I just want to be done. I want senior year to be over. I'm sick of the kids who try to be cool. if everyone would just realize that we all are different and equal in our own way, the world would be a better place. Our country was founded on equality not on cliques.
4. I am applying to college. Its stressing me out. Any of you older and wiser people can leave tips for me anytime.
5. I am in special needs seminary! it is the best thing that i could have been asked to be put in. Those kids, are really the choicest spirits of heavenly father. I have such love for them. I can't explain it, but they have equally as much love for me as anyone else. It is really the most amazing thing that i get to experience.

Basically my life is a complicated busy mess. I'm slowly trying to bridle it in. Its a work in progress.as you can see,

Signing off for now,
Baylie Benson

"cast not away thy confidence" Jeffery R Holland 1999 look it up. best talk ever given.

this boy is in Brazil right now, serving the lord. Love you Elder Swallow!

Parachute Concert! WOOT WOOT!

some of the Mads singing :) at a foot ball game!

Tessa, my kick butt Texan. Love this girl to death. EFY

EFY girls :)

Tavia drew this! the woman is talented! EFY

Lose yourself in the music, the moment..

Wow. It's been a while. Like a really long time. So sorry. I have not been very diligent. So new things in my life. I went to mount Rushmore! That was a blast! And it was so beautiful there!! I've been working a ton! Oh and lake Powell! I love lakes Powell with all of my heart! It's the best!
Besides trips, I've been chilling at home, working days, friends at night, Morgan on weekends! And college classes as well! That's me! I'm crazy busy! But it's fun! I just back from girls camp! And it was a blast! It was so fun!!

Also about a week ago, my best friend Tiffany turned 18! So exciting! I love her so much!

fun at draper park

just 3 friends... hangin loose

artsy? HAH! took me 20 minutes :)

martins cove! way cool!

this was at mount Rushmore, and i couldn't resist the perfect picture it presented. It reminded me that sometimes in order to get a perspective on something you have to change how you look at it, but "turning"

while we were hiking. there was a wedding! so i took a picture! and i cried.

this is my favorite show. BIG BANG THEORY. bahahahaha

chalk is so fun! 

i hiked a large mountain, just for service at girls camp. yes. i was desperate.

Prairie diamond from martins cove

Mount Rushmore

Rainbow bridge at Lake Powell

"Baylie! hold still..... I see a moment" - Caitlin Howell

Morgan and me :)

Panning for Gold in South Dakota

Daybreak lake! :)

Restaurant humor

Swag, Swag, Swag

these are my best friends!

hail froze over. (this is when i was in South Dakota)

I got to meet Sister Dalton!!!! :) best Fireside ever!

beautiful views in the Black Hills

golfing with Morgan and Anne!

trying to get service behind a hay bale at girls camp!

My home away from home! Lake Powell

Jordan L!

My beautiful friend Tiffany! Happy Birthday!

Martins Cove!

more hail...

You Scared, You scared!

the boys come to us.

Quinn and Quin! cutest couple ever!