thanks for reading :) (dont skip to the bottom)

ok I haven't posted in a while and its been sooo busy I just have NO time wow! ok so I got into the play at school, and then basket ball every single school day I dont get home til 5:45, on a good day. then I have piano and mutual and all that fun stuff. UGH UGH UGH! I just have to keep myself busy I guess. ok so I'm really bad about my contacts. I keep sleeping with them in which is super bad for my eyes. so I'm giving my eyes a break. I am wearing glasses right now. I am blind. I mean really truly blind I can't see anything! I forgot how nearsighted I am!. ok biology is so fascinating for me! I just think its so cool, to learn about cells, and the mitochandria, and DNA and RNA and wow it just blows my mind! I really really want to be a criminal phschologist. the only problem is that its as many years as medical school. so basically I have to get my PH D. you ask why I wan't to be a criminal phscho (Im shortening the name btw)? because criminals are fascinating for me. why did they break the law. what pushed them over the edge. they are so many possibilities I mean wow. Every person needs someone to be their friend and thats what I'm going to do. ok my 5 TOP jobs are....
1. Crimial Phscho
2. Linguist Specialist(CIA)
3. FBI
4. Teacher (5th grade or jr.high)
5. forensic phscho (watch bones you will understand)
haha kinda funny, apparently I really want to work for the government. haha ok anyway. Thanksgiving was great it was amazing in fact. I was kinda sad at the beginning because I was talking to my great grandma and she was so fragile, and ready to die. her skin was like tissue paper. It was sorta depressing. I dont want her to die naturally but if its what heavenly father wants then its what will happen. she is ready to go and be with my great granpa again. she's looking forward to it. I am getting really old too. I mean I'm 15 I can drive (as soon as I go get my drivers permit) I get to date in less than 10 months can you believe that? I know and the first sememster is almost done. Oh dear my life is flashing before my eyes and I am doing nothing to stop it. what am I gonna tell my children? that I just let life slip by? oh dear ok lets be more happy shall we? did you know I hardly ever even have time to read anymore? let alone get on the internet. which is probably a good thing. Ive told myself I'm going to start running again. I need to lose some weight. now don't start bugging me I know I'm not fat and I'm not going to go anorexic on you. you know what anorexia and belimia would be so horrible to go through please don't ever ever EVER do that. promise me this, you can't die before i do. let me die first... ok really I need to get off this topic of dieing.
ok so I found my CTR ring :) and i made this cute as a button new friend. her name is emma and she is probably one of the biggest blessings in my life right now. you know sometimes i feel as if school is something to escape to. some people eat, I readboooks. but sometimes school is a place to relax and stress at the same time. its a place to exercise my mind and my personality. thats another thing I don't have a personality I am like an empty shell sure there is some that is me... but I just don't feel like its truly me. I don't even know who the true me is anymore. I dont think i ever knew... you know I think that this is the longest post for a long time. I hope you read all of it otherwise you will never know what is going on in my life. ok I think boys are dumb I mean no offense to their gender but I almost wish I could go back to my 6 year old self when I believed that boys have cooties. you know it is SO pointless to date before you're 16 or even have a steady boyfriend when your 16 you know why? because boys are unpredictable but predictable at the same time. sometimes you know what their thinking and sometimes you don't. why take the time to unravel a mystery when you could be hanging out with you best friends haveing girl time? girl time right now i think is more important than boy time. now I'm not suggesting to like go and totally have a boy strike and not even talk to them no. I mean I have guy friends but they all know that I don't like anyone like that and they are courteous. and in turn I tell them what not to do when they like a girl. haha wwell thats how it goes. really though don't do it your just opening your heart for a dagger. or at least pain. snow is a truly beautiful thing. its sparkly and it comes with a fire and hot chocolate. who doesn't love that? apparently some people. I think that I need to open up to other people more. I love to give advice and help people feel better. but I dont like talking to others about my problems. infact I dont tell anyone. I mean occasionally I tell you a snippet or so of whats going on but I guess I am just someone who doesn't like my feelings to be known. thats how you get hurt. like laying yourself on the table for someone to scrutenize and judge you. NO THANKS. but truthfully this is probably the most open and honest post that Ive written for a while. I just want to keep writing. I probably shouldn't though. oh well. the tips of my fingers are freezing. you know what? friends are the light in the abyss of darkness that encumbers us. friends and the gospel. I truly believe that friends and the gospel can pull you out of almost anything. I love you guys so much. for being my friend and reading this and making a blog so that I can read it. wow you guys are incredible and beautiful, and amazing and words that I don't even know. you guys are truly something. more than anything else. and I'm not just saying that. I mean it with my whole heart and my whole soul. you know this blog post did not go as I meant it to go lol. guess what? my aunt comes home from her mission on the 20th. I'm sooooo exited! and my other aunt got married to a wonderful man. life is pain, anyone who says different is selling somthing. but guess what? its also wonderful. and happy. it gives us strength and helps us along. and thats how the savior is. he helps you up when you are down, and gives you comfort when you need it. my life is truly something with the gospel in it. I don't know where I would be without it. I thank everyone that has been apart of my life. I hope that they know that I love them and that I would do anything for them. mabye not kill myself, but mostly anything. hey and if you ever need some lifting up give me a call, or email, or facebook message, or txt or anything anytime!I love you guys more than I can say and I'm more than grateful for you. thanks for reading this extremly long post. and if you just skipped to the end you missed all the good parts :) haha well I do need to go to bed now so I am going to say good night! goodnight! :)